I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
