i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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