that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
