Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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