I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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