The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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