wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
My cat gives me a boner
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You made out with two different species that night
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
