Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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