Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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