i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
false alarm. still invincible.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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