my soul wont recognize me after tonight
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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