I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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