you turned your livingroom into a bong?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
