summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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