I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
