I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
