If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Can you bring me the toilet please
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
