You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.