girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
