and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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