just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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