my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
