you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize