the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
MIDGETS
????
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
