i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
