3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
