Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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