Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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