All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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