Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
a search helicopter?!
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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