just tell him i said nine months
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
