guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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