I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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