I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
