Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
