I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
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Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
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I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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