i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
