and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
