if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
