why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
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