if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
