My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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