Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
