does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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