A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
