just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
