you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
