mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
