I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
