i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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