I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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