She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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