Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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