I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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