I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
