There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
