Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
