this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
my being single is dangerous.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
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We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
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My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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