Porn is love you can see.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
