I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
